I was going through my temp files cleaning out my computer when I came across this document. I had never seen it before and have no real idea how it got on my computer, that is a question only God knows the answer too! Though when I read it it made me think of you all that our committed to singleness! So maybe this was something that will speak to someone and that is why God place it in my path!

Are You Ready to Get Married?

We asked this question at the last Faith walkers. There were almost fifteen hundred (mostly singles) gathered at this conference. It was held over the Christmas break in December of 2005.

We taught that you can begin to get a handle on this crucial question, as you process through the points found here.
Are you ready for marriage? You might ask yourself how anyone could ever know. All of us

have seen couples get married that were a long, long way from being ready. They seemed to spend the first few years of their married life growing up, and some struggle for a long time after that.
How do you get ready, in character and heart preparation, for the most important human relationship you will ever have? If you are planning to get married someday, you might want to read this.
First we posed 10 fundamental questions that every young man needs to ask himself and have answers for. Then we shared 10 more questions for a young woman to chew on. The following is a rough draft of what was shared that day.
May God bless you, single Christian, as you read and reflect. My prayer is that “He will open your eyes that you would behold wonderful things from His law.” Keep pressing, Rick

Am I ready for marriage? “You bet I’m ready!” Or maybe your honest fear sounds more like, “I’m not sure, I really don’t know.”
A few of you may have the gift to be single. God will bless you as a single. You will be happy, fulfilled and God has a rich life planned for you. But I am not speaking to you folks today.
I am talking to the singles who are pretty sure they want to get married. But you might still be trying to figure out whether you are ready or not. I want to talk to you on preparing for your future marriage.
We hope to lay out some practical steps you can take to get ready.

Building a quality marriage will prove to be an incredible challenge for each of you. It will demand your very best effort. But it’s also incredibly rewarding. Thirty years ago, the leadership of this movement had no idea what a boon and what a blessing our marriages and our families would some day become.
We had no idea how strong our testimony would be to this crazy, fallen world - simply because of the strength of our marriages and families.
And it all worked out. It all came true. Beyond our wildest dreams.

As a young man, I had no premonition of the impact and influence my marriage and the amazing influence our seven children would have - on neighbors and schools, on family and friends.

First off, remember this - no matter what went on in your own family growing up, not worrying about the quality of your parent’s marriage. Even if you did not have the best example at home; whether there was divorce or not, you can trust God.
When you think about your future marriage, remember these two verses:
“One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead. . . ” - Philippians 3:13
and “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope . . . .” - Romans 15:13
We can in a very real way because of the Lord, forget our past. And we can have genuine hope as we think of our future.
God knew exactly what He was doing, placing you in your family, and leading you to salvation. He saw clearly the family you would be born into. And He wants to keep on blessing you. You can trust Him for your future marriage, your future family.

Secondly, no one should be sitting, hoping, wishing, pining, wasting time dreaming about a future marriage. Do you girls sometimes catch yourself thinking, “Someday, my prince will come?” You guys might think, “If I was only married, then my life would be complete.” These thoughts are a lame way to spend your days.
But here is the truth:
“Godly people are attracted to godly people.” As Tom Short often says, “To marry a 10, you need to be a 10.”

All of us should always be working on our character - for life, as well as for marriage. And you can build a good marriage and a good family, just like you can build in any other arena of your life. Please believe me. You really can.
So what should you be working on? That’s what I’m gonna’ talk about.
First I would like to talk to you men. And I will spend more time with you because you are the future leader of every marriage, of every family.

10 Questions for the young man who wants to get married someday.

(Girls, you don’t need to read this section. But just a quick thought. This might be the kind of guy you should be praying for.)

1. Do I genuinely fear God and every day am I following Him as His man?

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.” - Matthew 6:33
Am I working to obey this verse? I am a disciple. I am called to follow God. Am I letting myself be tested as His disciple? Am I putting myself “out there” as a follower of Christ? Am I risking and stepping out for Him? Gambling, so to speak, on the Lord coming through for me?
Will I let God take care of my future? He bought me, He paid for me.
Will I let God take care of my future wife, my future family? Will I walk in faith and see God come through in this most important area?
That’s what disciples do. They just follow their Lord.

2. What are my career prospects? Can I provide for a wife and a kid?

If a young guy was interested in my daughter, he might come to me and say,
“I do love God, Mr. Whitney, and I love your daughter.”
But if he came with only those words, “That he loves God,” I would probably answer, “So . . .what else is on the table? What are your prospects, young man?”
“What are your career plans?”
Career is not a bad word. It is not necessarily a worldly thing. For a Christian, our careers can simply be a means to an end. Especially if you want your wife to stay at home and help raise a family. And career is not just about college. Prepare vocationally and have a marketable skill. Get your degree. Get your trade. Start a business.
But work hard!
My two boys will have secular careers. One already has achieved his. The other son is working on it now.
A solid career plan - as well as a heart for God. You need both.
Here are a few strong words from the Apostle Paul.
“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
- 1 Timothy 5:8
Guys think about this. There are 168 hours in a week. You probably sleep around 50. Let’s say 5 hours a week to make yourself look presentable, shower, shave, etc. – more time for some of you. Another 5 hours a week commuting back and forth.

Then 50 hours a week in school or working, whatever.
That basically leaves 50 hours a week for all you need to do outside of school or work. But no matter, God wants us to see all of it as for Him. Our work and our free time - every hour has to be seen as our service to God. God wants us to invest our whole life, our careers, our work, our free time - all of it - as part of our whole package.
You will be miserable if you do not see God’s hand on your career and your work. I would encourage you to go for it! Whether in school, or out of school – work hard! View school and work and free time - view your whole life as your best offering, your total career for God.

3. Am I disciplined in my spending? Am I known as a frugal and generous man?

In goods and services, the average American household now consumes three times what it did just 30 years ago! The average household income in Douglas County, Colorado is $93K! In this same county, we once asked almost a hundred shop owners, “What’s the biggest challenge families face here?” Every one

of them answered, “Most can not afford to live here.” And the bankruptcies are just as high there, as anywhere in the whole state. Lots of money is never the issue.
Frugal definition: “Characterized by economy in the use of resources, thrifty.”
To be disciplined means that we have a handle on our checkbook and savings. That we are faithful in tithing. To be disciplined means that we are generous to the Lord and His people. A frugal man can also be a generous man. A good man is both.
Some of the most frugal and yet generous men I know of, are my fellow pastors in this movement of churches. Almost all of them are married.
Are you disciplined in your spending, brother? John Wesley kept it very simple when he spoke about money. He said that we should make all the money that we can, that we should save all the money that we can, and he said that we should give all the money that we can. When Billy Graham spoke on money he followed John Wesley with the same three thoughts.
Think about it. All three of these directives – “Make all you can; Save all you can; Give all you can.” – are seemingly contradictory. But that’s life, men. We must hold life in balance. And a man’s wisdom and heart are revealed in his checkbook.

"No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, were listening to all these things, and they were scoffing at Him.” – Luke 16:13-14
There is a difference between being frugal and being poor. Most young people think they are poor. But I don’t see careful spending. I don’t see disciplined spending.
I often don’t see much concern beyond the next movie, the next night out, the next purchase or toy, the next paycheck.

4. Am I disciplined in my entertainment?

“When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”
- 1 Corinthians 13:11
Probably everyone has seen those recruiting commercials for the Army on television. Brother, what are they all talking about? What are they calling for?
They are challenging young men - to aspire to something greater.
Put down that video game remote and pick up a book! But that may be only part of it. How disciplined are you in general? Do I sleep a lot? Am I faithful in the Word and prayer? Am I a good self-starter in getting my work done?
Most of you single men, deep down know that you are going to get married some day. But do your present actions reflect this? You don’t really have the gift of being single, but does your present behavior assure that you will remain so?
Sometimes we hide. We are kind of like that Peter Pan character who just doesn’t want to grow up. We want to keep acting like a boy.
Instead, I would ask you guys to be leaders worth following. Where a girl would trust you. Men, I want to appeal to the noble man inside you. Here’s the verse:
“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
Let all that you do be done in love.” - 1 Cor.16:13-14

5. Am I under authority and do I know how to follow other men?

Have I verbalized this to my leaders? Do my leaders know that I am under
authority? A man who is under authority will treat his future wife with more grace and kindness. Submit fully to your leaders.
“For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” - Matthew 8:9

6. Am I a willing and eager servant?

As a man are you ever tempted to think that being a great servant is more the role of a woman? That’s “stinkin thinkin” guys.
So much of married life and family life is simply faithful and continuous service to each other. Simply “dying to self.” And die over and over and over again - as Mark Darling has said over and over again. This would be a great 12-week Pre-marital Counseling class: Week 1 - Die to self. Week 2 - Die to self. Week 3 - Die to self.
You get the idea.
It is so much easier now as a single to grow in being a servant. It is so much more difficult after you are married, to establish a good servant’s attitude and heart.
Most singles think they are pretty good servants. Then they get married and their selfishness is slammed right in their face. To prepare for marriage, a single guy almost needs to find someone who annoys him, who asks him to serve at really bad times, and who constantly asks him to do things, over and over.
If you can serve that person “all out” and with a good attitude, then you are “good to go.” If you lack patience you aren’t a servant, not in how you truly look at yourself. Brothers, find the most annoying person in your church, give them your cell phone number, and let them know you are there to serve 24-7.
Let me share something from USA Weekend magazine. It’s from a series entitled, This I Believe. The author is a housewife and college professor from Grand Forks, North Dakota.
“Every weekday, my husband, Ryan, gets up first to shower, giving me an extra 20 minutes to sleep. He wakes me with a kiss on my forehead and whispers he loves me. Then he leaves without turning on any lights so I get five more minutes. While I shower, he unloads the dishwasher and makes the coffee. When I emerge, my coffee is ready (two sugars, cream), and he hands me the newspaper. We speak little.
After work, I cook supper, giving him a half-hour to watch the news without interruption. After the weather report, he sits down at the table and watches as I finish preparing our meal. Pausing to plant a peck on his cheek, I set the steaming dishes in front of him. We eat and talk. Mostly we talk about what has to be done: groceries to buy, grass to mow, bills to pay. After dinner, if the weather is nice, we go for a walk, then watch TV. Bedtime comes early. When the lights are out, we confess the things that worry us, drawing strength from each other's nearness.
I believe this is love.
At an egotistical age 5, I asked my mother if she loved me or my father more, certain I knew the answer: me. Instead she bent down and looked me in the eye, hands gently resting on each shoulder. She explained that she couldn't help loving me. The love of a mother for her baby is incredibly strong. Then she told me the love she had for my daddy was a love of choice, which made it extra special. Of all the people in the world, she chooses him and he chooses her.
I would think about her declaration often in the coming years.
Now that I'm married, I consider what it takes to stay married, and in love, as long as my parents 31 years. It's not that I don't believe in romance or appreciate the spontaneity of last-minute weekend trips that disregard the monthly budget, or witty conversation over champagne brunches. But I believe more in love that is embedded in the sacred of the ordinary -- of love communicated each time he cooks oatmeal and I schedule his dental appointment. In the contented, peaceful silence of our predictable, boring day, I choose him all over again.”

7. Do I have strong convictions and am I willing to stand by those
convictions?

We are talking about a lifetime burning for God. For 50 more years! Not just hot for God for a short time while you are young. But to burn for years and years - you need convictions. Solid convictions.
I would like to quote Russell Crowe on the life of Jim Braddock, a real life, heavyweight boxer that the actor portrayed in the movie Cinderella Man. Jim Braddock had strong convictions. He believed and was right, that the only way he could provide for his family was to fight. Jim Braddock was a very simple man, in a good way.
Here’s what the actor said about Jim Braddock;
"The greatest achievement of his life was in fact re-achieving his normalcy. He just went back to work.
"In 1974, he died in the house that he bought with the prize money from his win in 1935, still desperately in love with his wife, having seen his three children grow and his grandchildren born.
"That, to me, was a beautiful, successful American life. The great thing about Jim is he didn't feel he needed to live up to being heavyweight champion every day."
Remember how Aslan was described in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?
“Then He isn’t safe?”
“Who said anything about safe? Course He isn’t safe.”
“But He’s good.”
Men of conviction are never safe. God has not called us to be big, friendly, happy-go-lucky, Labrador puppies, dear brother. Not only are we not called to act like this – it is also very unattractive to most women (except to that occasional girl that wants a safe, comfortable life with a man she can push around and train. . . yuck!)
It takes much conviction to live a solid life for 50 long years, gentlemen!

8. Do I have the courage to gently reprove my brother?

Can I handle it when another Christian is “ticked off” at me? This deals with my overall confidence in God’s Word. Can I speak the Word and correct and help others?
Can I gently guide a brother in the Word? Will I help him get - “Back up on the highway?” 2 Tim. 3:16
In marriage we have to be able to gently reprove our spouse. With the emphasis on gentle, someday as a husband, you will need to be able to speak into your wife’s life.
So right now, the question remains, can I gently reprove my brother?

9. Can I resolve conflict and help bring peace? Or do I just “bail out” when things are tough?

Can I help men deal with their anger and if they are offended, win them back? Can I talk things out? And bring guys back to their senses?
This is so important in life and in marriage.

10. Am I a loyal “one girl” kind of guy?

A one girl kind of guy does not have different friendships with girls. He has friends who are male and female, but he is never partial. Or selective. And he will not give his heart away before marriage. Never.
“I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.” - 1 Timothy 5:21
John Meyer commenting on this verse writes;
“We are not to be partial in any relationship. Partiality occurs when we treat one person differently than we treat others. The Bible describes Christian relationships in the church, between men and women, as brothers and sisters in a family. A brother’s relationship with each of his sisters in Christ in his church family should be one that exemplifies impartiality.”
“This Scripture is arguably the strongest charge Paul gives in any of his epistles. The expression of partiality or favoritism must be extremely damaging to what God wants to accomplish in the church.”
Men, do you use friendships with other girls to meet your own emotional needs? You need to stop that. Once you are married, God demands that you give your heart to only one. You must be in this kind of mode, this kind of mindset, right now men.

In conclusion - brother - I must share this. Please know this. Life has a way of racing by! You need to prepare for life right now!

Why did we spend so much time on you men? Here’s why. When men are ready to get married, in character and in heart – then things start happening! Girls might start saying, “Yes.” That’s why I started with you guys.

( To evaluate yourself even more correctly on these 10 questions, guys, it might be best to ask an older brother his counsel on how he honestly thinks you are doing in these 10 areas.)

It wouldn't let me post the whole document, so here are the 10 questions for a young lady!

10 Questions for the young woman who wants to get married someday.

( Guys, you don’t need to read here. But this might be the kind of girl you should be praying for.)

1. Am I winning the battle of contentment?

It is often called the “classic trial.” It is mainly God’s test for women. Men might go through this trial, but gals seem to be especially tested. This is because it takes more faith for you girls to wait and someday respond.
Life isn’t Hollywood. God doesn’t want you sitting around like the sisters in Pride and Prejudice, always talking, always dreaming, always wondering. You need more faith, more quiet strength, ladies. So . . . are you able to? . . .
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” - Proverbs 3:5-6
I don't think a woman is ready for marriage until she no longer views it as her ultimate source of fulfillment. I am not sure a woman is ready for marriage until she has committed herself to Christ beyond circumstance. Has she said in her heart?, "My life is to follow Christ and nothing will hinder it, not singleness, not marriage."
Desiring to be married may be the toughest trial in your life right now. And God may want it just this way. Win this battle, ladies.

2. Am I trusting or “Am I playing the single girls’ game?”

In other words, am I putting myself right in front of the guy? Am I easily infatuated, and do I daydream? Am I ruled by my emotions? It’s time to quit being a girl in your mind. Instead you need to look on yourself as a Christian woman.
If you are prone to daydreaming, maybe this paragraph from the Rocky Mountain News, will help. It describes the ideal boyfriend: “He’s so strong he can bloody nearly any foe, yet he’s sensitive enough to sit on the edge of a tower cliff and peacefully lose himself in the glow of a sunset. He lives in a predatory, kill-or-be-eaten environment, yet he adheres to a strict vegetarian diet. If he falls in love, he’s loyal to a fault. He would probably make the ideal twenty-first century date – except he is a 25-foot-tall, 8,000-pound gorilla!” But since King Kong is only a story, maybe we ought to check into reality and quit our musings.
More practically, I have seen women, based on one interaction with a guy, "pick him out" and from that point on, manipulate every possible situation in the effort to secure his affection. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In either case the results are disastrous.

3. Do I understand what real Christian beauty is all about or do I often compare myself to this world’s definition of beauty?

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” - Proverbs 31:30
“And let not your adornment be merely external-- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
“For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves . . . ” - 1 Peter 3:3-5
“I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” - 1 Timothy 2:9-10
Again, quoting John Meyer;
“The great need for our young women is to be given a clear understanding and model of this womanhood God has created for them. When young women see this and imitate this, not only does it foster true, healthy, and safe friendships with men, but it makes it much more likely that a marriage relationship will begin for healthy, Spirit-led reasons. Young women should communicate through their dress and actions that they want to be seen as sisters in God’s family.”
A quick side note - I don’t remember girls dressing immodestly in years past. It really wasn’t much of an issue within our churches. The real question is whether we are willing to stand apart from our culture? The ability to stand apart from our world is the simple definition of what it means to be holy.

4. Do I truly believe in the role and value of a wife and mother?

For some of you girls, “Do you believe in it at all?” Do you have a Biblical picture of the role of wife and mother? And is it attractive to you?
A woman needs to personally understand these roles and appreciate them.
Maybe you had a very challenging family growing up. Regardless, recognize that being a wife and mother is under attack throughout our society. Everywhere, we are doubting the role of a woman. And the value of a wife and a mother.
Don’t doubt these roles yourself. Don’t doubt in your heart the glory of being a courageous, faith-filled wife and mother.
And it really isn’t the romance of being a Christian wife. It’s standing “back-to-back,” protecting each other, supporting each other, as man and wife.
God highly values this.
Often Neva and I have said to each other, with wonder and amazement, “It really did work, didn’t it, honey. It all turned out. All of our dreams are coming true. Some of those early dreams were fuzzy, but then God made them more clear and they are better than anything we could have ever imagined.”

5. Am I disciplined in my spending and shopping and known as a frugal and
generous woman?

A two-income family is rarely needed to pay for groceries. Instead, two incomes are almost always for that long vacation, those multiple televisions, all that eating out, that new wardrobe, that second or third car. You get the idea.
“But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment.” - 1 Timothy 6:6
Are you content, disciplined and generous with all that God has given you as a daughter of the King?

6. Do I have a genuine, servant’s heart - towards those I live with, towards
my family, my church?

Here’s one way a servant shows her heart: “Can I set up a kitchen, run a
household, budget, cook? Am I learning these basic life skills?”
“A great wife is always first a great servant.”
By the way, it is not a good idea to offer to practice this kind of service with the single men in your church. Instead, serve your roommates and maybe ask a successful married woman to teach you these important life skills. And they are life skills, not just marriage skills.
Maybe your mom did a lot for you in high school. Moms notoriously have done a lot for all of us. Did she cook for you? Did she clean up after you? Moms can’t keep doing these things. You can not bring mom or dad into your marriage. Sadly many young brides seem to expect their parents to keep making it all right.
Not so with us. God asks for our best service borne out of a sense of mature, Christian responsibility.
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men; knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” - Colossians 3:23-24

7. Am I strong enough to love, train and discipline a child?

God indeed gives grace for the moment, when you might someday have a family. But He also can train our heart and willpower, ahead of time.
For now, do you understand that almost all growth in our different relationships within the church is often painful? Do we know that love sometimes needs to correct, to challenge? Believing this important truth is your “boot camp” right now for someday raising a family. In this area of tough love, this year, develop your convictions as a single woman.
I believe my wife Neva is a good example. She is a velvet hammer. If I were a kid, I wouldn’t want to cross her or mess with her. And she brought that into our marriage and family from the very first.

8. Will I settle for a lame excuse of a guy? Someone that I can boss around?
Or am I waiting for a leader? A guy who is truly under authority and knows how to follow men.

Do not think you are going to change him, once you get married, sister. God will not expect you to train him for leadership after you are hitched. That would not be your role as his supporter.
So ask yourself, “Does he have real passion for the Lord and our King’s business right now, today?” He would show this by teaming up with other quality men and there would be godly ambition among them.
Have your eyes wide open, ladies.
Never lower the bar. Or give in to any fear that might sound like, “I guess I better just say ‘Yes,’ even though I have concerns about him.”
Don’t do it, ladies. “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” - Psalm 27:14
And do not think, “If I can just snag him, then I can help him grow and become what he is not today.”
Stepping out as a leader is a conversation between a man and his God.

9. Am I able to be quiet and let the guy lead? Do I have this kind of
womanly strength and faith?

“As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.” - Proverbs 11:22
A discreet woman of God knows when and how to speak effectively. Sometimes her wisdom is shown by waiting, being silent, and letting the man grow and develop. In small groups and prayer meetings, in general church interaction. Look to encourage men in their leadership.
That does not mean you just encourage the Christian brother you might be tempted to think about.

10. Am I a loyal “one guy” kind of gal?

Do I avoid flirting like the plague? Am I protecting my brothers? Am I protecting my sisters with my own example?
Some married women have shared that the thought patterns they allowed as a single, of thinking of different brothers, are still there after they are married. If you let yourself, (as a single woman) think about a handful of different guys as a possible husband it will be awkward when they marry your friends.
And when you get married to one man, those loose thoughts do not easily go away. You need to be on top of this right now, as a single woman of God. You need to hammer this out in your heart. He calls for single-hearted devotion to Himself.

(Again, the thought is the same for you girls. You might ask an older sister how she thinks you are doing with these 10 questions, if you want some honest counsel, honest appraisal, on just how you measure up in these 10 areas.)

What we are talking about with all 20 of these questions is simply being a sold-out follower of Christ. Male or female, married or single. These character traits speak to the heart of the serious disciple.
Hopefully, this message will help you measure your own progress towards maturity – for life, as well as for marriage.

Keep pressing, Rick Whitney
Faithwalkers, December, 2005