I Have Decided - IDOP Feature Video

Do Opposites Really Attract?

by Jim Daly

If my wife, Jean, and I are any indication, the answer is an emphatic yes! She likes milk chocolate; I raid the candy dish for the dark stuff. She prefers deep, heartfelt conversation; I'm usually satisfied with the highlight reel. We're as different as, well, a night owl (her) and an early bird (me).
If you're married, you could probably count myriad differences between you and your wife. Most are easy to navigate with patience and good communication. Some can be more challenging. It takes effort — and often humility — to recognize the areas where the differences in a marriage can help us thrive.
I'm generally a positive, optimistic guy. When adversity comes, I try to push through it. Early in our marriage, I assumed my wife shared that approach to life. When Jean was going through an especially difficult time, I encouraged her to persevere. She knew I meant well, but her response surprised me. "Jim," she said, "some of us can't pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and just get going." That day I understood for the first time that my wife and I not only had some unique preferences, but we also had completely different approaches to life.
But differences don't have to be obstacles to a healthy marriage. Our spouse's unique qualities are meant to complement our own. In my marriage, sometimes my "we-can-do-this-and-here's-how" attitude is appropriate. Other times my wife just needs me to acknowledge what she's feeling and let her know I care. Understanding the way the Lord has crafted her helps me listen and speak in a more productive way. It makes me a better husband — a better person.
On the weekends, it's often easy for me to slip into my role as Mr. Taskmaster. I have a list of things to do: mow the lawn, trim the trees, fix the front door. Jean is constantly thinking about how to use the time I'm home to connect as a family. So she'll make suggestions like, "If you're fixing the door, I'm sure Trent would like to learn how to do that." I'm learning to see Jean's suggestions as opportunities for me to embrace her intuition and connectedness, leveraging it for the good of the whole family.
Jim Daly is president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family broadcast. His daily column is available at JimDalyblog.com.

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This article appeared in the August/September 2012 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2012. ThrivingFamily.com.

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Happy Expectations Day!
This seems to be a day filled with expectations of loved ones, merely because someone declared it a holiday. A day filled with a lot of empty fluff instead of focusing on the meaning and reason for its beginning!

Today marks the death of a man by the name Valentine. This man died because he believed in marriage, family and that the legal system did not have a right to dictate either of them! He believed that marriage was worth fighting for and giving your life for. That it was created under God, not the Government!

This should be a day to remind us to fight for our families and marriages and not the let the tyranny of the urgent destroy what should be the most urgent instead of spending today grabbing a last minute stuffed bear, chocolates, or some flowers. Don’t get me wrong these things aren’t bad, but merely worthless if you have to be reminded by Hallmark how and when you’re supposed to show your love for someone.

We should spend today fighting for our families and marriages instead of grabbing desperately for something or someone to replace them, even if that feels better or is more convenient at the time! That is not what this holiday is about. It is as much a celebration for "singles" as it is for the married; it is about being married and having a family as well as being IN a family!

"Singles" today, instead of looking around and seeing what you think you don’t have, why don’t you look again and see what you do have! It is a day to be grateful your parents had you and that you don’t live in a country where they regulate how many children your parents could have or who could even get married! Don’t take marriage and relationships lightly, it is a lifelong commitment that once you have made it you will never be the same after, for better or for worse relationships will affect you and though legally divorce is an option, you can’t divorce the effects of it and memories can NEVER be removed. You can never un-ring the bell so don’t rush up and ring it unless you know it is your bell and your time to ring it!  

Couples, whether your marriage is wonderful or falling apart, remember it is a blessing and a choice and an example of God’s love to us. It is a blessing that it is even an option to be allowed to marry, unlike in Valentine’s era, where you could have faced death or imprisonment.   

To all, may we be grateful for what we have and never treat it lightly; love to anyone is a daily choice and aren’t we glad God chose to love us and send His son to die for us!

Sincerely,

Just Another Single